omg i'm emo again
Monday, February 11, 2008
All of a sudden I feel choked. Choked by expectations. Expectations set by others and also by myself. I can't breathe.
I'm sick of asking myself questions "What the fuck am I doing?" "Is this what I want?" "Is this what I really want?" "Is what I want what I need?"
Don't people only go through this when they are teenagers or something???
This is like a premature mid-life crisis that I'm experiencing. I feel like I'm trapped in a space surrounded by transparent walls. Nobody sees it but me. And I'm starting to think that all these are just imaginary. Am I creating problems for myself for no apparent reason?
I'm disgusted by money-minded and shallow people. Why's a job's worth always determined solely by the pay? And ironically, why am I acting a lot like one of them? The last thing I want is to feel disgusted by myself. I don't want to find myself crying in my sleep on my 50th birthday.
I really admire people who can let go everything in their life just to pursue something they have passion for. In that, they truly find happiness.
Can I do the same?
Are they being irresponsible to their family?
Maybe if I've not spent so much of my parents money, I'll be doing something totally different.
It's always about the money. Always. This is fucking sad.
The responsibilities feel so heavy. And I'm a bloody coward. Would someone please slap me on my face?
My brain is so tired. I dont know what I am doing.
How can I look so calm and carefree on the outside when the chaos inside is dying to get out??
I'm just a bloody cynic. And also an emo.
Darn.
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| Tian Mun May 9, 2008 05:57 PM PDT  Rarely visit your blog and found your latest post similar to my situation, in fact all of us at this age. Yeah if we have not spent so much of their monies and don't have to bother about their livings, then we'll be all carefree and just-do-what-I-want people. Too bad we're just not capable of doing that. That's sad. No matter what, life neva stop till your last breathe. Like your friend said, +ve and determine... Take things slowly, step by step... Someday you'll get what you wanted. I hope everyone will get what they want too, including myself of course. Good Luck everyone! | ||
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| ~YLP~ March 8, 2008 01:28 PM PST u know what? i know this comes kinda late compared to the others... but honestly, im goin thru the same thing like u. fact is fact. we have to accept the fact that this is a materialistic world (in some ways) but then... tho we might not be able to do the things we want to / we yearn for... but make sure u do it step by step. with determination n +ve thinking.. i'm sure everyone can. It's just the matter of time,luck and maybe in some case $$$. dreams, passion,interest... are you living life with it? That is always a Q i always post to myself. n i know very well that if u have all these in your life... you're the most happiness aka hang fook person in the world. just stay +ve! frens are always there for u... we're not alone =) | ||
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| siauying February 11, 2008 10:28 PM PST i guess everyone goes thru this kinda questioning and struggles in one form or another. please know that u're not alone yeewern.... =) | ||
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| yannee February 11, 2008 06:33 PM PST you know i'm always there if you need someone to talk to... | ||
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