I can't remember when was the last time I blogged. Sometimes i think it's a good thing, since, as you can see from most of my previous entries, I only blogged when I was EMO. Yah... This means that Jessie's been less emo and happier lately. Yay!! *pops champagne*

                 I haven't called home for a while. I miss Malaysia so much. I miss home. I miss mom. And dad. And sis. And bro. And Mintuk. I'm the person who calls home the least in this house. Probably once in a month. Each phone call lasts approximately 15 minutes. Which is terrible really.

                 I dislike it this way. But why am I still doing it?

                Why was I hesitant to give my dad a hug? Why was it so hard for me to tell mom I love her?

                 I'm a person who is afraid of emotional involvements. I don't want to get too close with someone, too dependent on something, or simply love something too much. I try not to give out too much, and not expecting anything in return. Isn't this a sign of depression?

                 In short, the phrase "I can't live without........" freaks me out.

                 I guess it's because I understand that once I get really involved with something or someone, and if the thing happens to disappear or leave me, it will take me ages to get over them. Or worse still, I may not be able to get over them until the day I die. I'm so susceptible to psychological injuries that it prevents me from letting myself out.

                Somehow I know nothing lasts forever. Not your family, not your friends and not possessions. It's sad. But true.

                But good thing that some voices are telling me that life is too short for that. I should live it the way I want it to be.

                I can't fucking avoid pain forever.

                Like they said, no pain no gain.

                So I say, bring it on.